#no idea what prehistoric creature that is on the wall. but it looks super cool

[tea-tuesday]

08/29/2023

this semester, in lieu of a full course load, i decided to do an experiential semester and do an externship while taking one in-person seminar. luckily, the credits amount to a full semester so it's a really good opportunity :)) yesterday was the first day of my externship! i still didn't have much to do today either so i journaled at a café and kept an eye on my inbox before my seminar...

[shipburner]

Monsters of d20 Modern: Anomalies

The mildly-overdue part two of my Halloween-season special, Monsters of d20 Modern! (Part one here.) Wizards’ d20 System game for heroes in a modern or futuristic setting has a lot of cool monsters that I want to showcase in the vein of @bogleech or @titleknown.

1. Illithids. This is from the d20 Modern Core Rulebook; illithids, are, as we know, a D&D mainstay not created for d20 Modern, but I have to put in here because illithid priest. I know we’re supposed to imagine this guy spouting Sodom and Gomorrah in order to control well-intentioned people, but I personally like the idea that they’re a genuine convert telepathically warbling that if God can love even a brain-eating abomination, then you have no excuse to act so uncharitable to your fellow humans.

2. Vampires. Another Core Rulebook sample, I share d20 Modern’s stock vampire solely because it’s the best scary clown I’ve seen in a long time - the demonic/Pointy-Headed Boss hairdo is a nice departure from the traditional rainbow wig, and the Victorian ruff on the clown robe trailing off into the page border gives it a good “not quite a clown” feel. I also like how it has the dentition of a deep-sea fish, or perhaps a Masiakasaurus.

3. Demonic autos. From Urban Arcana comes: D20 STATS FOR CHRISTINE.

4. Living dumpsters. Also from Urban Arcana comes the modern version of the mimic, which the book makes the specific effort to point out that it can only move on its little caster wheels. I’m mostly posting this to share the art, which has a very nice ambiguity between whether the dumpster is alive or whether somebody’s just been regular-murdered in here. The addition of a human observer is also nice in the art, but the Zorak graffiti here is what really sells this.

5. Grendelspawn. Urban Arcana. Magic Xenomorphs. No explanation. (Actually a pretty good remix of Giger’s work, if I do say so myself.)

6. Zaps. The Menace Manual gives us these charming little elemental jerkwads, which I’m just going to quote in full.

Unfortunately, their games usually consist of causing short circuits in electronic equipment. The fact that this game usually destroys the equipment is of no concern to the zaps, and they do not understand why the lumbering creatures (humans, generally) that play with the same toys get so upset about this game. But human expressions can be quite funny when a flashlight or cell phone starts sparking, and this added bit of entertainment enhances the zaps’ enjoyment of the game. They also find it amusing to deliver shocks to humans and other creatures by touching them. Individually, the little electrical arcs created in this manner are only painful, but when delivered in sufficient quantities to the same creature, they can be fatal. Zaps don’t really understand death, so if such a fatality occurs, they merely assume that their erstwhile playmate is too tired to keep playing and move on to a new one.

This is already wonderful, but they do it all with this face.

Look at it.

7. Crawfordsville monster. The Menace Manual also moves into cryptid territory, by giving us stats for the Crawfordsville monster and expounding on the “atmospheric lifeform” UFO explanation. This makes me really happy from a mythological perspective - the extraterrestrial hypothesis gets a lot of media traffic, but what about the other off-the-wall hypotheses people have cooked up? People should broaden their approach to Forteana. d20 Modern, Crawfordsville monsters are large, prehistoric creatures that eat flying animals, but modern jet traffic kills them since that jelly is not at all very thick, which sparks aggression towards Man.

8. Acid rainers. Acid rain ... some stay dry and others feel the pain ... Puns aside, the Menace Manual also does “no explanation given” monsters in addition to “serious cryptozoology” stuff. This is a giant atmospheric jellyfish that drools acid and can eat planes. (On second thought, I think this might actually be supposed to be the monster from Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Horror in the Heights.)

9. Montauk monsters. This predates the 2008 mystery carcass, and is instead drawn from the alien monster in The Montauk Project: Experiments in Time. This is ... hoo boy. I have a deep personal love for the Montauk Project/Philadelphia Experiment family of conspiracy theory, and bringing in the idea that it summoned some sort of extradimensional time-cop that looks like the Invisible Monster from Jonny Quest is the icing on the cake. Montauk monsters show up when someone tries to teleport or time travel and engage in frenzies of destruction until they die, apparently filled with rage at the attempt to breach the barriers of reality. This is the kind of conspiracy theory I’m here for.

10. Moreaus. Finally, we have another friend from the Core Rulebook, which is just the ... totally nonsensical sort of conspiracy. Moreaus are far less “Not to go on all-fours; that is the Law. Are we not Men?” and far more “FURRIES CAN DO INFINITE CRIME”. Moreaus are genetically-engineered super-soldier/furries along the lines of Fullmetal Alchemist’s chimerae; while they miss out on the horrible surgical transmutation from Wells’ work, they’re still a cool monster archetype, and I like that they added bat and dolphin in addition to the traditional furry mainstays. The sheer gleeful ridiculousness of this concept is really what I like about it - nobody would honestly use the overt moreaus as secret agents, and frankly the covert moreaus are subject to dumb and inaccurate animal stereotypes, but come on. You’re putting genetically-engineered furries in your James Bond mythos. Ridiculousness is a good thing.

... Honestly, now I want to play a game where you all play furry super-soldier/secret agents. I’d probably use PBTA instead of d20 Modern, but this isn’t about systems, this is about having fun with monsters, and that’s what Halloween’s all about.